10 Ways Beauty and the Beast is NOT About Domestic Violence!

I’ve heard the criticism of the Disney 1991 Beauty and the Beast countless times – that it teaches girls to stay in abusive relationships, that it’s an example of Stockholm Syndrome, etc. So I was a little surprised when I sat down and actually watched it recently.

When the movie first came out, I enjoyed it moderately. As a fairy tale aficionado, I was disappointed in the needless subplot Disney added in the form of Gaston, as well as the ways in which Disney deviated from the traditional tale. Still, overall, I found it to be an acceptable cartoon adaptation of one of my favorite tales. I never thought it encouraged women to stay in abusive relationships, and I’m happy to say that I was right back then. Beauty and the Beast, the Disney version, is NOT a defense of an abusive relationship, and here are 10 reasons why.

10. Belle volunteers to stay with the Beast, knowing he is a Beast. In Stockholm Syndrome, the victim is held against her will. As far as abusive relationships, people don’t start them with abusive jerks – they start them with people who pretend to be kind.

9. The Beast never restrains Belle. At one point she runs away, and the Beast shows up to rescue her. When Belle asks to go see her father, the Beast lets her go. Again, this is the opposite of the situation with Stockholm Syndrome. And most abusers won’t let their targets maintain family relationships.

8. The Beast never uses abusive language towards Belle. He never calls her names. He never criticizes her personal opinions or choices.

7. The Beast never gaslights Belle. He doesn’t deny her situation, or tell her she’s imagining things. He never deliberately leads her to believe one story, only to tell another totally different story.

6. The Beast allows Belle to make her own choices. When she says “No” to his dinner invitation he is furious, yes. He rages and throws a tantrum about it. But ultimately, he accepts her answer. He doesn’t force her to leave her room, even though he easily could.

5. The Beast gives Belle a gift with no strings attached. He gives her the entire library to read, and expects nothing in return.

4. The Beast accepts responsibility for his own actions. After he is injured rescuing Belle, he initially blames her for his injuries. But when she points out the truth of the matter, he sees that she is right and acknowledges it. When the servants coach Beast in modifying his behavior in order to be more polite, he makes an effort rather than expecting everyone to just accept him.

3. The Beast changes his behavior. This is probably the biggest way in which people THINK that the movie shows an abusive relationship. In domestic abuse, the target (and bystanders) often believe that the target is capable of motivating the abuser to change his behavior. This is why is can take 7 or more attempts to leave an abusive situation – because an abuser CAN control the abuse when s/he chooses too. The misunderstanding is that the target is the one in control. The abuser is in control. Always. In Beauty and the Beast, we see that Belle truly does influence Beast’s behavior. He allows her to influence him.

2. The Beast sacrifices his own desires on Belle’s behalf. He doesn’t want Belle to leave him, especially since he’s so close to the moment when his transformation into a Beast will become permanent. But he doesn’t tell Belle what is happening, or guilt trip her. He simply puts her desires ahead of his own.

1. At the end, Belle comes to see the good character within the gruff shell of the Beast, and she is correct. We like to blame targets for believing the best about their abusers, so when a woman defends a man who seems unattractive or unkind, we assume she is delusional and the man is abusive. But in this case, Belle is completely correct. The Beast truly is a good man. Not a perfect man. But a good one.

A final thought. I recently found a retelling of this lovely story in my Blue Fairy Book, and read it to my 5 year old. I found this retelling to be even more fascinating and enjoyable than the Disney version. When it come to fairy tales, the book is always better than the movie!

Loose Teeth, Lunch Bags, and High Chairs

Tori has a loose tooth!

Normally I’m pretty pleased with her milestones of growth. As she grows she becomes more and more delightful. Thus far in her 5.5 years of life, there have only been 3 things that made me cry a little.

The first milestone that really hit me was when we retired her high chair. It wasn’t a real high chair – just a booster seat permanently strapped to our dining room chair. But it had the attached tray and a five point harness to hold her in. I remember undoing the straps and the seat and looking at it with tears in my eyes. We had recently decided that Tori would be our only child, and so we knew the little pink chair would be going away forever. My little baby no longer needed my assistance to eat and drink - she was sitting at the table, using utensils, drinking from an open cup. What had happened to the little baby who lunged at the spoon, or ate an entire hard boiled egg without pausing or letting go? Now she was a little person!

Not sure about this whole solid food thing

The second milestone that hit me hard was the first time I packed a lunch for preschool. I had decided to send her to preschool when she turned three, but due to some changes in circumstances, I started her about four months before her 3rd birthday. We went to Target together and she picked out a Hello Kitty lunch bag. I stood in my kitchen, looking at the spotlessly clean pink and white bag, wondering what to pack, and I burst into tears. What if some jerk kid made fun of her Hello Kitty lunch bag? Would the mockery cause her to go into a lifelong neurotic depression? How could I send my innocent baby into the cruel world with nothing but her wide eyed hopes and Hello Kitty lunch bag? It was the first time I faced putting her into an environment that I didn’t completely control, and it terrified me. 

Hello Kitty is facing the door

And now, at five and a half, she has a loose tooth. I’ve been thinking about this whole tooth thing, and honestly, who decided that we only keep our first teeth for 5-8 years? We live to be 80 years old! We should keep the first teeth at least 10 or 15 years, am I right? My little girl is not capable of brushing and flossing a permanent tooth! I remember when those tiny little teeth came in. I had just weaned her from breast feeding, and suddenly, two teeth just popped out, like they had been waiting. She never had a hard time with teething, just drooled and chewed, but no fevers or whining or crying. She has perfect little pearl white teeth, with plenty of space around them, and yes, a slight overbite because we let her use her pacifier until she was almost 4 years old. And now those little teeth are loosening, making way for scary big adult teeth; teeth that will fill her mouth in strange new ways, changing her adorable grin. I never understood why Peter Pan having baby teeth was such a big deal until now. 

Pictured: adorably UNscary teeth

Baby teeth are like kittens – you can’t be afraid of a child with baby teeth. When a kid with baby teeth has a tantrum and gnashes those teeth, it’s adorable, not disturbing.

So here it is, another milestone hitting me. I love watching my daughter grow. I’m proud of who she is. And I look forward to witnessing her continued exploration of this world. But for the next few weeks, I will let myself feel a little bit blue about the loss of baby teeth.

December Stitch Fix Review!

It's the most magical time of the year! My December StitchFix arrived! Oh how I love my Fixes.

Think you might like a personal shopper? Use my referral link here and I'll get a discount! How does it work? You create an account and fill out a style profile. Also, if you do Pinterest, linking your profile to your Pinterest clothing board is super helpful. Each month (and you can change the rate to every other month or every quarter) your personal stylist reviews your profile and your notes and selects 5 items for you. After you receive them, you have 3 days to select the items to keep, and send back whatever you don't like. If you return everything, you're only out $20. If you keep everything, you get a 25% discount.

Now, on to the Fix!
First off, I got a lovely cranberry infinity scarf. This is the Hayley Bird Print by Octavia in Burgundy, for $28.00 Naturally I had some fun with it right off the bat.

But then I pulled up a Pin showing 10 ways to wear an infinity scarf and was pleasantly surprised by how versatile this piece is. And yes, the collage only shows 9 ways, because one way is pictured in another photograph. :)
The shirt in all these photos is the Carlosi French Terry Pull Over by Laila Jayde for $54.

Next up, some dashing plaid pants, Sylvie Printed Straight Leg Pant by Margaret M, for $98.00. They have pockets!! I settled on this floral blouse from H&M as a nice mix of prints. My only real quandary about these pants is what shoes to wear with them. They are a bit short for me, so I can pull off the black flats, but only in warmer weather. If it's below 60 degrees, I'm wearing socks! That left me with boots. I kind of like the brown knee boots, but the black ankle boots seem like the best match. What do you think, brown knee boots or black ankle boots?

 

Next we have this Timmers Lace Detail Blouse by Papermoon for $54. It's a synthetic fabric, so I wasn't crazy about the feel. But the lace detailing is very cute. I really see this more as a fall or spring shirt because it's not warm enough for me to wear in the winter.
The fit on this shirt is good.

The next shirt is a keeper: the Zeke Plaid Mixed Material Pullover by Skies are Blue for $64. I love the look of this sweater, and ended up wearing it all evening, although I put a long sleeve t shirt on beneath it. Still, it's flattering, casual, and an item I can see myself wearing constantly. I pulled on my fleece lined leggings from my last fix, added some puffy lined rain boots and felt pretty trendy!

This is a very good Fix. The pants are super cute and definitely a winner. They'll be great in fall, spring, and summer, and for milder days in winter. The infinity scarf is fun and trendy and works in several different wear patterns so I can see myself using it a lot. The off white Skies are Blue pullover is a great match for my style and very comfortable. That's 3 pieces to keep for sure, for a total cost of $170 (It's $190, but the $20 styling fee is deducted already). If I keep the Papermoon blouse, that brings my total up to $224. Now here's where thing get tricky. I didn't like the Laila Jayde pullover. It's a little see through and it clung to my belly pooch. BUT, if I buy it, I get the 25% discount, and my total purchase price is only $203.50. Basically, for $33.50 more, I get 2 more tops.

What do you think? Buy all 5 for $203.50? Or buy the 3 I really want for $170?