Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My Work In Progress, Blog Hop

1) What is the working title of your next book? V Memoir. I haven't started thinking about the final title. If you have a great idea, put it in the comments!

2) Where did the idea come from for the book? I struggled in silence for years while I dealt with physical problems that prevented me from full intimacy with my husband. I don't want other women (up to 15% of women suffer from dyspareunia) to suffer the same way: I want them to know they are not alone.

3) What genre does your book fall under? Memoir

4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition? Hmm, since I'm the main character, I'd like someone gorgeous to play me. Perhaps Zooey Deschanel? Husband suggested Rachel Weisz. Johnny Depp would play Husband, naturally. My doctor would totally be Eugene Levy, for comic relief. Kristin Wiig could play the insane sex therapist we saw. 

5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? The account of my journey for physical and spiritual healing as I dealt with vaginismus and vestibulitis.

6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency? I am currently looking for an agent.

7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript? About two years.

8)What other books would you compare this story to within your genre? I like Vicodin and Chocolate, by Jennette Fulda. Fulda handles her chronic pain condition with humor and deep authenticity, which is my goal as well. Susanna Kaysen wrote a memoir, The Camera My Mother Gave Me, on the same topic that I'm dealing with, but the tone and message of her memoir is very different from mine.

9) Who or what inspired you to write this book? As I journeyed through this nightmare, I kept encountering women who shared my problems but felt just as alone as I did. I don't want any more women to hide in shame and secrecy any more.

10) What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest? While my specific situation does not apply to everyone, my spiritual struggles are relevant to anyone who has been disappointed by God.

11) How did you find the courage to let people see your personal inner thoughts? People often compliment me on my courage in sharing this personal and painful journey. But I don't feel courageous, just honest. I learned through hard experience that secrecy makes everything worse. It's so much easier and healthier to lay it all out there and say, "hey, I'm broken," than it is to pretend that I'm put together and perfect. When I share, women know they are not alone. I create a space of community, and that redeems my suffering.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Fighting for my Marriage

Tonight I was privileged to hear Glennon Melton, of the Momastery blog, speak. In the beginning of her talk she mentioned women fighting for their marriages. And I had my instinctive thought of "not me."
See, I was extraordinarily blessed by God in my marriage. I met a man who is so compatible with me that we were completing each other's sentences after a couple of months. Sickening, I know. We have similar values, the same sense of humor, shared passions, etc. Our marriage is so great I have to pinch myself.
A split second after I discounted her comment, it suddenly hit me that I did have to fight for my marriage. I'm going to be deliberately vague right now, but I discovered, on my honeymoon no less, that I had a physical condition that adversely affected my marriage. Those of you who don't have this problem are no doubt confused, while my sisters in pain know exactly what I'm referring to. But right now, the problem itself is unimportant. What I chose to do with it is the point. I chose to fight.
I fought for my marriage. I saw doctors, specialists, therapists. I spent countless hours willingly suffering for the sake of my marriage. I was unwilling to let go. For five years, I fought for my marriage, and finally God gave us victory.
And tonight, when wonderful Glennon Melton acknowledged all of us women, applauding us for showing up and fighting, I acknowledged myself. And I cried. This is why I am writing a memoir about my fight. This is why my marriage is so strong today. This is why Husband and I are who we are. Because we fought for our marriage. And I'm proud.
Carry on, Warrior!