Monday, June 4, 2018

Raising a Reader

I haven’t been as successful as a mom as I would like. But I have succeeded in two areas. One is in the area of eating. My child is not a picky eater. She eats lots of food, a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, and we can take her to any restaurant and know she’ll find something to eat. As a picky eater myself, I’m proud of this. Second, my child is an advanced reader. At the end of kindergarten, she is reading at a first grade level. In fact, she is almost at the reading level goal for end of year first graders!

So how did I raise a reader? 

Be a Reader

If you don't read, don't expect your child to read either. Monkey See, Monkey Do is the rule here. So if you want your child to read, boost your own reading habits! We have bookshelves dripping with books in almost every room of the house (including hers). She sees us reading constantly. We take books on vacation with us for her and for ourselves.

Make Reading Fun

Read to them 

We read to her all the time. Even when she was a few weeks old, I read board books to her. I pointed to the illustrations. As she got older, I traced the words I was reading while I read them. I read a Mother Goose nursery rhyme book to her over and over, daily. I read to her all the time: at breakfast, throughout the day, before bed.

Let them move around

I let her move when she’s listening. On Saturdays, it’s not unusual for me to read to her for an hour or more – when we started Harry Potter all her waking leisure hours were devoted to listening to me read. But she’s a kid, so she’s not going to sit still and listen. And she’s not going to stare at a page that’s covered in text. So I let her rough house and play. I sit and read and she jumps around the room, colors, does crafts, or plays with a doll or two. I know she’s soaking in the story, even if it looks like she isn’t. Even at bedtime reading, I let her move freely around her room. Sometimes she spends that time constantly jumping off the bed. 

Push their reading limits

I read books that are beyond her reading capacity. Board books and Mother Goose gets old really fast. So as soon as I could, I upped the game. I started her on Dr. Suess when she was not quite 2 years old. We read A.A. Milne Pooh stories to her when she was just three years old. We started the Narnia books when she was four. She is almost 7 years old now and we have read the following books to her: the entire Narnia series, the entire Little House on the Prairie series, the first two Harry Potter books, the first three Wrinkle in Time books, The Hobbit, several Roald Dahl books, and the first two Anne of Green Gables books. It may seem too advanced, but kids love extended story lines. Chapters books are like serial TV shows. They end with a cliffhanger, follow the stories of multiple characters, and have distinct stories in each chapter. If your kid can follow a TV show, your kid can follow a chapter book plot.

Read classics

Classic books get that way for a reason. Yes, the culture and language of The Secret Garden or Narnia might be a bit odd to modern ears. But the stories are eternally appealing and understandable. And while you might think a book like The Hobbit is not really appropriate for a 6 year old, my daughter would beg to differ. I've read some of the books that are based on TV shows and movies, and let me tell you, they are crap. No kid is going to fall in love with reading by reading a badly written synopsis of a cartoon TV show. And you don't have to go old school. The Harry Potter series is well written and will become a classic. Your librarian will be able to help you a lot here. 

Pick fun books

Yes, we started our daughter with basic classics. Although she enjoyed Little House in the Big Woods, when we started Farmer Boy, we lost her. In fact, it took a year to convince her to listen to another Little House book because she was so turned off by Almanzo! So if your kid hates a book, don't force it on them. We moved on to Narnia after the Farmer Boy disaster, and she loved it. After we read through the entire Narnia series twice, we graduated to Harry Potter (just the first two books). When I started Harry Potter, she was on fire! Every minute of every day, she wanted to listen to Harry Potter.
We recently read Anne of Green Gables followed by Anne of Avonlea. She loves the characters, but at the end of Anne of Avonlea, decided against reading more Anne. She told me that Anne was getting too grown up. So we've stopped reading that series - I'm confident she'll return to it in a few years.
Another super favorite author of hers is Roald Dahl. We had read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to her a couple of times. Now, some parents might shy away from Dahl, with the dark humor and violence. Yet she loves the books. In fact, she loves them so much that she is beginning to read them independently. They are just right above her reading level, but she enjoys them so much that she struggles through just for the satisfaction of it.

Make reading a reward  

I let her stay up past bedtime to read. Her bedtime is 7:30 PM, and we are pretty strict about that. She’s a night owl, and can easily stay up until 10 or 11 PM without getting irritable. So it’s important to get her in bed early so she has sufficient time to wind down and fall asleep. But for Christmas this year, Santa brought her a night table and lamp. I knew she was just starting to read, so I decided to give her an incentive to improve her reading. I gave her permission to stay up as late as she wanted, as long as she was in bed reading a book. It could be any book – challenging or simple. I often came in her room at 9:30 or 10:00 to check on her and would find her fast asleep face down on a book! She’s also learning how to self regulate the amount of sleep she gets.


Don't teach, just read

I explain some concepts, but not all of them. Many of the words in these books are far beyond her vocabulary. But the context explains them well enough. If she interrupts to ask what a word means, I define it. Or if it’s a foreign concept, I explain it. But generally, I just read along. Stopping to look up a word while reading interrupts the entire process for an individual. The ability to press on through the story and let the context define the word is good for reading comprehension.


I've inserted some links to articles that support or expand on these concepts, but basically this is my own strategy. I hope you find it helpful! Feel free to add your own successful techniques in the comments.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

My Mental Illness Makes Me Supergirl


I have a mental illness. It’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, which is the best (or worst?) acronym ever. Like Supergirl or Superman, I get my powers from the Earth’s yellow sun. But in September, when the days get shorter and the sun becomes more oblique, I lose my powers, just as if Supergirl were back on Krypton. I lose my ability to sleep through the night, I lose my power of motivation, and I lose my patience. In other words, I get restless, irritable, and slothful.

People with SAD can use medication or light therapy (or both) to treat the symptoms. Light therapy is buying a really bright light and sitting in front of it daily for a certain amount of time. My “prescription” is 20 minutes of bright light in the morning and in the early evening. You can buy a light box, also known as a sun lamp, online from any number of sources.You cannot, however, get the same effect from sitting in front of a lamp with a high wattage bulb. You also cannot get the same effect by just going outside more in the winter, because the oblique angle of the sun means that winter light is less intense than summer light.

This spring has been especially difficult for me. While many people with SAD are most affected by fall, I find spring the be the worst season. I hate spring, I hate the month of March, I hate all the weather between January snows and May 80 degree days.

And I know that I “shouldn’t” use the word hate. I know I ought to use gratitude and acceptance to deal with the variables of spring weather, but this spring pushed me over the edge. It was a constant barrage of cold weather and cold rain and gray dull days. Then we had snow storms in March. Then it just stayed cold and wet and dull all through April, with freezes as late as April 20, which is VERY late for Raleigh, NC.

This past week has been different though. It has finally warmed up. The sun has been shining. And I’ve been able to sit outside and breathe fresh air for several consecutive days. I’m regaining my superpowers. And I finally feel like myself again. The world lays in front of me, a buffet of projects and opportunities and fun things to do. Weeding my gardens, planting flowers that will probably either die or get eaten by the wild bunnies in my yard, going on picnics and walks with my family, taking Sunday naps in my hammock, sweating poolside with friends, squinting at my computer screen while sitting outside a coffee shop, listening to birds greet the morning sun, watching fireflies ascend with the moon, all these things beckon to me. Even the ordinary tasks of life are easier: laundry, tidying up, cooking, meal planning, grocery shopping, brushing teeth: it’s all better when it’s warm outside.


It's later than normal, but I am Supergirl once again.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

The Mandate of Inclusion


I have often heard people use the Bible to justify “putting out” a sinner from the church community. In Matthew, Jesus taught a form of conflict resolution: Confront the person, confront the person with a witness, confront the person in the presence of the church, kick the person out. In 1 Corinthians, Paul urges the church to turn their back on a sinning member.
But in today’s reading, 2 Corinthians, Paul has a different message: “Most of you opposed him, and that was punishment enough. Now, however, it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement. So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him.” It’s pretty clear that Paul is following up on the case he mentioned in 1 Corinthians.
We like kicking people out. The us v. them mentality is ubiquitous and deeply satisfying. We like bringing people into our club and we like pushing them out. We like joining and then leaving. I have heard far too many stories of churches kicking people out for their sins.
And this isn’t a hobby just found in the American Evangelical and Fundamentalist groups. Early church history is a long list of excommunications and double anathemas. Part of the spread of Christianity is due to the exiling of “heretical” priests. They went into the wilderness and spread the gospel.
I personally believe that the church needs to transcend this divisive mentality. As we prepare to celebrate Maundy Thursday, it would be good to meditate on the actual words Jesus spoke. Maundy comes from the same root word as “mandate.” Jesus gave us a mandate: to serve one another. To wash each other’s feet; in other words, to do lowly and humiliating service to everyone in our community. Jesus taught us very clearly that it is in abiding in Him that we will be identified. Not by who we exclude. But by our willingness to extend our loving service to every single person.

As always, I’m not bragging here. I write these words as a reminder as much to myself as to anyone else. Today I will strive to abide in God’s love, and I will fail. But God will always open Her arms back to me.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Teaching Empathy


I work with a family therapist, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. She does more work with Tori than with me, but I do join them at the beginning or end of the session. During one session, she asked me if I gave parental advice. I was shocked. I mean, here I am, at a family therapist. Doesn't that mean I'm not qualified to give advice? But she was serious. She thinks I'm doing a really good job, and that I should share my ideas with others. I have to say, I'm not sure I really am qualified to be a parental advisor, but here's a story I'm comfortable sharing, with the hopes that it may help other parents.

Every so often my daughter gets chatty about school. It’s usually at night, when the lights are off and we are engaged in “quiet” cuddles. I know it’s a delaying tactic, but since she NEVER talks about school otherwise, I let it happen.

Generally speaking, the narrative is one about how she is the hero of the playground. Quite often, there is also judgmental commentary on the kids in the class who misbehave. My daughter may think nothing of slamming doors at home, but at school she is truly a little angel. People often tell me that's a sign of good parenting. Sometimes I wish I weren't such a good parent...

Last night she was telling me about a kid in her class who clearly has some behavioral issues. This child, I’ll call them Pat, is taken out of class to work with a special teacher and my daughter mentioned that Pat goes to the principal’s office to avoid “hurting the other kids in class.” I don’t know if Pat has a learning disability, or a severe behavioral problem. I don’t know anything about Pat except that my daughter disapproves and feels superior.

I'm all about removing stigma from mental health issues, and I don't think 6 is too young to start her education. So I said: “It sounds like Pat has some big feelings and doesn’t know how to handle them. You know, when you had big feelings, we had to go see the counselor.”

“Yes, I used to hit you, and then I saw the feelings doctor and learned how to get my angries out.”

“That’s right. And then you wanted to go again, so you get to go now.”

“Yes, I like going to see her. I get a lot out of it.”

“Well, it sounds like Pat doesn’t get to go see a feelings doctor. Isn’t it great that Pat can see a feelings doctor at school? Sometimes, when people have big feelings and don’t know how to deal with them, they do bad things. They hurt other people.”

“Yes, Pat tells lies about the other kids in the class.” Then followed a long story about kids tattling on other kids. Teachers are saints. I would go insane - just listening to my daughter recount all this drama is wearing me out!

I brought us back to the matter at hand: “So the important thing to remember is that when we meet people like Pat, it’s OK to set boundaries and stay away so they can’t hurt us. But we also need to give them sympathy. Because they have big feelings and don’t know what to do with them. They are feeling really bad when they do those things. And if it really bothers you, you can pray for Pat. That’s what I do.”

She responded with silence to this, thinking it over. I know I haven't won the Nobel prize for this conversation, or answered all her questions about mental health. But it's a start. 

I want her to be compassionate towards all people. Compassionate for kids who are less intelligent than her, kids who have less opportunities or money than her, kids who have disabilities. It's a big goal and will take me the rest of her time at home, and maybe longer. And it's a lesson I need to keep learning for myself.  

Note: I used a gender neutral alias for the child in this post.


Thursday, February 22, 2018

The Hideous Surprises of Growing Old


“I thought you’d get more time out of this tooth,” he says with a sigh.

Overhead the TV is broadcasting interviews with the USA hockey team, wearing their gold medals.

“Is there something I can do? Should I brush more often? Take calcium?”
Another sigh.
“It’s just a matter of time now. We don’t usually remove teeth until there’s pain or swelling.”
“It doesn’t bother me.”
So there’s a reprieve, of sorts. I get to keep this molar until it becomes painful.

The medalists smile, young faces filled with shiny white teeth. Teeth that aren’t being rejected by their gums.

I continue my questions, hoping for some word of hope, some instruction for preservation. It’s small comfort to realize that there’s nothing I can do: the roots of my molars just aren’t normal, and so they don’t really work. But I’m only 43. I didn’t expect to be discussing tooth implants with my dentist today.

This is the worst part of aging. It’s the unexpected parts. The random chin and neck hairs that sprout overnight and are somehow a full inch long. The way my newly limp skin droops around my neck. The surprising shifts in menstruation.

My birthday was Tuesday. Everyone wishes me well and asks me how it went. What is there to say? It was a good day, in a good life that I have worked very hard to create. A life in which, I’m learning, there is no way to sit back and rest on one’s laurels. Because a good life is also a life where there is constant change. As a parent, I’m teaching my child, the love of my life, how to successfully move away and live without me. As a wife I’m investing my energy and intimacy into another mortal, which means one day I will be left without a partner (or he will). As a coach, I pour out love and support to equip a person to move ahead without my help.

I’m not happy about potentially losing my tooth. But I will adjust and move forward. And once I get comfortable, my body will jump into another surprise of middle age. Life will happen no matter how I feel about it. I might as well choose acceptance and find joy.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

February Stitch Fix!

You know how there’s a Pin that says “I wish pinning something would make it appear in my closet?” Yeah, I have that. It’s called StitchFix, and it’s like having a fairy godmother. I link my account to my Pinterest clothing board, and then, whenever I schedule it, StitchFix sends me a “Fix” of 5 clothing items. Oh, and they also have my measurements, color preferences, and budget preferences. It’s totally fun, and if I don’t like anything, I send it back in the prepaid envelope. If I keep nothing, it only costs me $20 for the styling fee. If I keep all five things, I get a 20% discount!

If YOU use my link above, I'll get a $25 gift certificate. You totally should. Yes, you, person reading my blog who has talked to me about Stitch Fix and wondered about doing it yourself. Go for it!

So I got my Fix today and it was EXACTLY what I needed to motivate me. I’ve got a wee sore throat, and have been a little sleep deprived, so I spent the morning napping. But once I saw my Fix, I got my butt out of bed and did a little at home modeling, which I will now share with all of you!

First up, the Karlotta Hooded Dolman Knit Top by 41 Hawthorn. Um, yes please? This piece is a LOT like one of my first Fix pieces, which I wear basically nonstop. I mean, if you have seen me more than 3 times in the last year, you've probably seen me in that top. 

This is me channeling my inner CW villain
This top has a hood and a stomach pocket, which makes it super fabulous for bumming around the house on a Saturday. It could also be the perfect “jacket” for when I go to the movies in the summer – a nice thin top with pocket and hood to go over a cute tank top. I especially like the long tail, which allows me to adjust the blousing effect to the most flattering angle. It’s $58, and given how much I suspect I’ll wear it, that’s worth every penny. 



Next, the Redina Open Crochet Hooded Pullover by Harper Lane. This is a top I would like to love, but I’m not sure about it. The open work sleeves and shoulders are quite cute, and I would like layering them over solid color tops. But the cut isn’t quite as flattering as the 41 Hawthorn. It’s also a hooded top. In addition, there’s a little hole in one sleeve. Now, in two years, this is the first damaged garment I’ve received, so I bet if I keep it, I could request the company to send me a non damaged one. This top is $68. 

The Rose bootcut pant by Kut From the Kloth is $78 and will be a standout addition to my working wardrobe. It fits perfectly, has normal pockets, and is just the right length for my long legs and my beloved Danskos. And I finally purchased myself a belt that fits, which you can see is just the right accessory for these pants.

I combined these pants with the Mirene Duster Cardigan by Honey Punch, and the infinity scarf from my last Fix. I love this outfit: it's professional, stylish, comfortable and did I mention the pockets?




Now let’s talk about that fairy godmother effect. You like the duster sweater I’m wearing with those pants? First of all, look at all the swirling. This is why I love a duster sweater! It feels like I’m wearing a cape. Nothing boosts my superhero mojo more than a cape like sweater whipping around my calves! Which is why I bought a duster sweater, just last week.
Yes, I went shopping at Old Navy, totally on random impulse, last week. Never should have done that! I did get that great belt, but I also bought myself a wine colored duster sweater. I should have known that my StitchFix fairy godmother would get me a duster! She’s been looking at all my Pins!!

Sigh.

I would be all over this Mirene Duster Cardigan by Honey Punch, if I didn’t already own one that’s almost the exact same color and style. It’s $68, however, and my Buy 5 discount is $100, so it may still end up in my closet.

Finally, the Rosemary Cowl Neck Cashmere Sweater by Lusso Cashmere. This is the most expensive item, at $128. It’s very warm and snuggly. But I’m not convinced on the cut or the color.

So what do you think? Keep the cashmere sweater? Keep the duplicate duster?

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Will Your Writing Succeed in 2018?

Special thanks to Katharine Grubb for this guest blog post!

I blame the ice and snow. I blame the post-holiday fog that is still lingering in the corner around those Christmas cards I still have hanging on the mantel. I blame the insatiable desire for all things flavored egg nog and peppermint. I think we should collectively rename January and call it "Good Intentions Month" instead.

Will the rest of the year be any different? Will we really make time to pursue our dreams or will we snuggle up with old habits like we do those flannel pajamas we got for Christmas?
 

I believe, though, that the mid-winter fizzle doesn't have to come. I believe that with encouragement, practical planning and accountability, any time-crunched (or just downright lazy) writer can find time to meet writing goals for 2018.


Here's how:
  • Know your specific goals. You can't develop a good writing habit if you don't know what you're trying to accomplish. Come up with a clear goal for the day. Will you write for ten minutes? Will you write a thousand words? Will you get up an hour early every day?

  • Have a space that's just yours for writing. If you don't have a designated space to write, then it will be much harder to commit to your goals. Take some time to clear off a table, restart that old laptop or unpile the desk. If you take your workspace seriously, you'll be more motivated.

  • Have an organized, easy to access document. If you only have a few minutes a day to write, you don't want to waste it looking for that old file from Windows 98. Get everything together either on your computer or on your desk and keep it handy.

  • Evaluate your time commitments. This could be the most challenging thing you do in this process. Slowly go through all your obligations and evaluate their importance. If you can say no to an obligation you don't love or need, then you can fill it up with writing time.

  • Look for time wasters throughout your day. We're all given the same amount of time a day. We get no more or less. Make sure every moment of your day is useful. You may be surprised at how much extra time you have if you turn off Netflix, combine errands or stop playing Crossy Road.

  • Delegate your responsibilities. Is it possible that other members of your household can take over a few tasks? Analyze what can be given to spouses, children or teens. By gently instructing them and trusting them in your tasks, you're giving them value and having them share your vision.

  • Communicate your needs to your family. Have you expressed a need to the people that you live with that you want time to write? Can you ask for ten minutes here and there? This also brings them into your life and they can be your biggest cheerleaders.

  • Have low expectations and grace for yourself. Your writing goals for 2018 should not be unrealistic and lofty. A NYT best-selling title in the next 365 days isn't in your future. Instead, think about small, daily changes that can make a difference in your time management.

  • Learn to work fast. If you only have ten minutes to write and you're fussy over each word, you're not going to go far. Practice free writing or sprinting so you have something on the document. This habit will build your productivity and your confidence.

  • Silence your inner critic. This is probably the hardest thing to do. Let 2018 be the year that you look your inner critic in the eye, call him a dirty name and kick him out the door. You can't succeed if you have that inner critic giving you trouble.

  • And most importantly, plan your summer writing conference! 10 Minute Novelists, a Facebook group for time-crunched writers everywhere cordially invites you to join them for their first ever conference. 

August 9-11, 2018, 10MinCon, Small Things Brought Together

Our intention is to bring together hundreds of virtual friends and mentors to meet in person while honing their craft. In addition to pursuing their writing goals 10 minutes at a time, many attendees are full-time employees, parents, homeschoolers, and caregivers whose time is already stretched to its limits.

We're featuring widely-sought award-winning and bestselling authors Donald Mass, Janice Hardy, and James Scott Bell, at The Embassy Suites in Covington, Kentucky.
It is no small thing to pursue your dreams. 10 Minute Novelists understand this. Join us this next August for a chance to learn and grow with us.
For more information about the conference, including the schedule and registration details, visit www.10mincon.com. For more information about 10 Minute Novelists, visit www.10minutenovelists.com.

So yeah, right now we do have ice, snow, and the temptation to stay warm and not venture out to pursue our goals. But this August, you can change that. Put down your peppermint hot chocolate and think margarita!

The year has just begun! It's time to grow as a writer.

Your dreams are worth it.