Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How much to share?

As I look at my life in terms of whether I'm living carefully or boldly, one thing that stands out is my reluctance to openly express my views. This encompasses a wide range of views, but most of them are either controversial or potentially controversial. From my political vote, to my views on abortion, to my views on sex, I prefer to keep my mouth shut.
Am I being wise or a coward?
There are arguments either way, but I'm not going to get into those. Everyone has an opinion and arguments rarely convince.
Where do I want to be public in my support? What causes are worthy of me making a definitive stand?

Sunday, January 23, 2011


I started taking Alice Osborn's memoir class this week. We've only had one session, but I enjoyed it.
I'm writing a memoir, a very personal memoir, about the 6 years of my marriage. I'm not quite bold enough to announce the topic yet. However, while I have a few pages written, and a table of contents, I'm looking forward to this class helping me organize my thoughts and write something coherent and valuable. Right now my draft is mostly a bunch of rants strung together. (Oh, and not rants about Dale).

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Goal Setting

One of my Defying Gravity goals will be to post two entries to this blog each week. After all, what's the point in talking about taking risks if I don't put myself out there in some form?
So, given that it's Wednesday, here's my FIRST post of the week.
Today my coach and I discussed affirmations. We also talked about allowing things to be imperfect. I gotta tell you, both of those things rate pretty highly on my cringe factor. You know, the whole-body cringe, which can go all the way up your face, when you contemplate something utterly horrific. For me to sit and say that I can do something imperfectly and it's ok causes that whole body cringe. And the mere thought of writing down all the good things about myself, ugh. My stomach is turning over at the very thought.
And it didn't stop there. As you might know, the full body cringe usually progresses to resistance. And resist I did. I can't possibly write down affirmations about myself. Because that might, you know, lead me to be arrogant. I would see all my superior qualities and look down on everyone else.
Do you catch the logical mistake of my resistance? No one told me to write how I am better. No one suggested I do any comparisons. Nope, all I'm to do is note the good things about me.
So, in order to defy gravity, I'm going to write one affirmation right here and now.
I am good at loving other people.

(I'm not going to bore y'all with the 20 minute head conversation that just happened there. Instead I'm going to post this quickly before I chicken out!)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Flying Free

What will my life look like as I start to loosen up the reins? What am I searching for? I'm using two methods to discover this: The Joy Diet by Martha Beck and personal coaching.
One area I've identified is that I cut back my own dreams. For example, for the last few years I've tried to put together a social justice film series for my church. The first year was great, but after that it didn't go so well. This year, I've decided to go bigger and bolder. I'm asking local theaters to host it. This will make it a ticketed event. My careful side is already trying to cut this back - to keep me from even making the initial request. But now I've put it out there, so I've got to do it!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

some things I want to get off my chest

1. Palin is not responsible for the AZ shooting. However, if she were any sort of leader, she would now be using her words to bring healing rather than to defend herself.
2. Yes, of course there were signs that Loughner was crazy and going to hurt someone. But the solution is not to be found in quick fixes. I'm willing to bet that close analysis would suggest that failed long term relationships are far more to blame in this case than political rhetoric, lack of gun control, or lack of action by acquaintances.
3. Jenny McCarthy is still defending Wakefield. In turn, her critics are pillorying her based on her past. So what? I don't agree with Jenny McCarthy, but her statements are not invalid simply because she used her body to obtain celebrity. If the worst you can say about her is that she posed nude for a magazine, then shut up. If you want to criticize the actual intellectual content of her statements, then please, speak up.
4. Did anybody besides me notice that 14 people were beheaded in Acapulco this weekend? Surely that is a tragedy equal to the one in AZ.

Sorry if this seems a little angry. I'm venting. Don't worry, I'll find my balance, but for now, I'm a little wobbly as I defy gravity.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Defying Gravity

I really like the song Defying Gravity, from the musical Wicked. I was listening to it today and I decided that it's going to be my theme song for 2011. Part of that is going to be posting my thoughts, my REAL thoughts, on this blog.
So, for my 10's of readers, here it goes. My real thoughts, found fresh here throughout 2010. I hope that as I post my thoughts, others come to read this blog. I'm afraid that some will not like my thoughts, and may never return. Alternatively, I may get some nasty comments. That's OK. I'm not saying my thoughts are correct, or true, or worthwhile. I'm open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong. Nasty comments will help me evaluate.
So let's go!