I have a mental illness. It’s called Seasonal Affective
Disorder, or SAD, which is the best (or worst?) acronym ever. Like Supergirl or Superman, I get my powers from the Earth’s yellow sun. But
in September, when the days get shorter and the sun becomes more oblique, I
lose my powers, just as if Supergirl were back on Krypton. I lose my ability to
sleep through the night, I lose my power of motivation, and I lose my patience.
In other words, I get restless, irritable, and slothful.
People with SAD can use medication or light
therapy (or both) to treat the symptoms. Light therapy is buying a really bright light
and sitting in front of it daily for a certain amount of time. My
“prescription” is 20 minutes of bright light in the morning and in the early
evening. You can buy a light box, also known as a sun lamp, online from any
number of sources.You cannot, however, get the same effect from sitting in front of a lamp with a high wattage bulb. You also cannot get the same effect by just going outside more in the winter, because the oblique angle of the sun means that winter light is less intense than summer light.
This spring has been especially difficult for me. While many
people with SAD are most affected by fall, I find spring the be the worst season.
I hate spring, I hate the month of March, I hate all the weather between
January snows and May 80 degree days.
And I know that I “shouldn’t” use the word hate. I know I
ought to use gratitude and acceptance to deal with the variables of spring
weather, but this spring pushed me over the edge. It was a constant barrage of
cold weather and cold rain and gray dull days. Then we had snow storms in
March. Then it just stayed cold and wet and dull all through April, with
freezes as late as April 20, which is VERY late for Raleigh, NC.
This past week has been different though. It has finally warmed
up. The sun has been shining. And I’ve been able to sit outside and breathe
fresh air for several consecutive days. I’m regaining my superpowers. And I
finally feel like myself again. The world lays in front of me, a buffet of
projects and opportunities and fun things to do. Weeding my gardens, planting
flowers that will probably either die or get eaten by the wild bunnies in my
yard, going on picnics and walks with my family, taking Sunday naps in my
hammock, sweating poolside with friends, squinting at my computer screen while
sitting outside a coffee shop, listening to birds greet the morning sun,
watching fireflies ascend with the moon, all these things beckon to me. Even
the ordinary tasks of life are easier: laundry, tidying up, cooking, meal
planning, grocery shopping, brushing teeth: it’s all better when it’s warm
outside.
It's later than normal, but I am Supergirl once again.
