I first started hating my body in high school, because that's what teenage girls do. My body looked like this:
In college I was preoccupied, so I didn't spend too much time hating my body, but once I graduated I went right back to hating on it. Here's another picture of my horrible horrible body (I'm the one on the far left, "Posh Spice"):
Look at that. No boobs at all, all hips and thighs. Who could love a body like that? Time passed and I gained weight, and when I got married my dress was a size 10. Size 10! I couldn't believe it. Here's a picture of my hideously huge body in my wedding gown:
What a horse! Over the next few years I faced many challenges and a lot of stress, and I gained weight. But I also went on a journey of self-discovery. I faced my fears and anxieties about my body and learned to appreciate it. And I had an amazing epiphany. Whenever I looked at old pictures of myself, I longed for that skinny body. The very body that I loathed when I had it. My epiphany was this: no matter what I looked like, I hated the body I currently had and wanted the one I had had two years before. That was when I decided to just love the body I had. Because in 2 years, I would love it anyway, so why wait? I got pregnant and didn't watch my weight. When I went into deliver the baby and the nurse asked my weight, I honestly didn't know. I didn't weigh myself until my baby was 9 months old, and I weighed around 170. Keep in mind that in high school I weighed 105. Here's a picture of that 170 pounds:
I commented when I first read this blog. I said, "funny thing---I've always been envious of your tall body!"
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You know, this is probably the story of my life to a degree. Though, I wouldn't say I ever hated my body, I mainly just never found it good enough. There were always aspects that I was ashamed of and wanted to hide. I remember being just a kid of twelve or so when I was told that I needed to exercise because my thighs were jiggly and not muscular enough. So, I was very thin, but that still wasn't good enough. I also needed muscle definition to be okay. Then as I got older my jiggly butt became the focus of my belief that I'd be pretty "if only" thoughts, and then my thighs joined in. As I've aged, though, I've seen the same thing you have. I look back at pictures and think, "What the heck? Why was I ashamed of my body? It was beautiful." And like you, I've decided that I'll just love it now (or pretend to in the hopes my mind believes me) because I'm gonna love it in a few years when I've got more wrinkles and saggy skin and whatever else I'm loathing about my body any given second. Anyway, yes, great post! -- Rachel
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