Monday, May 15, 2017

Why I Don't Care About Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and in honor of the day I took a 3 hour nap. And all my mommy friends know that that was probably the best gift my husband could've given me. But I also did some thinking about this "holiday."
The thing about Mother's Day is that it is insulting, and it also misses the point of motherhood.

I didn't get into this gig for appreciation.

My husband and I had the immense luxury of choice in the question of having children. We were able to plan IF we wanted children, and then plan TO have children. Most people in the world do not have this choice. But because we put off having children for years, and then were blessed with a child three months after deciding in favor of pregnancy, we have a different viewpoint than a lot of people regarding kids.

We agreed that we weren’t having kids to satisfy our needs. This wasn’t about us. We were a complete family from the moment we got married.

This is how Mother's Day misses the point. To suggest that a Mother needs appreciating is to suggest that this is about us. Every mom knows this isn’t about us. It’s about the kids. We don’t do ANY of what we do for us. We do it all for the kids. Even when I take care of myself, it’s at least partially for my daughter’s sake. She does better when I am emotionally healthy. I own my own business for my daughter – I’m not a natural born entrepreneur. I maintain my physical health for both her and my husband, as much as for myself. So to suggest that I want appreciation for what I do is to suggest that I need it or deserve it. I don’t. Most mothers toil away with no support and no appreciation, and regardless of that lack, we keep on mothering.

I don't expect my daughter to appreciate me potty training her, or teaching her how to be a decent human, or providing food and shelter and entertainment and education.

On the other hand, it’s insulting to suggest that my wholesale efforts for her can be honored with a card and breakfast in bed. Pregnancy made my teeth so loose that I ended up spending almost five figures on fixing them. I sank into serious post partum depression and had to increase my medication and spend a year in therapy to recover. I have a permanent scar on my belly from the c-section. My breasts are permanently altered from breast feeding. And I am a very healthy woman! And what about all the sacrifices? The lost sleep. The lost financial opportunities. The lost time. The constant guilt. The constant worries.

I don't know a single mother who doesn't, at times, worry that she's screwing her kids up. 

Moms, let yourself off the hook. If you're worried about screwing your kid up, you almost definitely are doing a fantastic job!

I'm not one to turn aside a gift. And I do appreciate that my daughter makes me cards and gifts for this one day a year. And yes, if some Hallmark holiday gives me an afternoon off to take a nap, I'm all over it! I'm just not emotionally tied into Mother's Day. When I wasn't a mom, I didn't feel "left out" by all the celebration.
Mother's Day is a nice enough holiday, but certainly not one I would miss. What about you?


  1. "We were a complete family from the moment we got married."

    THIS. THANK YOU. My fiance and I aren't even considering kids unless we come into a significant amount of money, but we don't think it's sad or anything. We have cats, and that's all the family we need--and that's OK!

    Thanks again for this post,

    1. You're welcome! We weren't going to have children either, and it drove me crazy how many times I had to defend and explain that to others! Good luck in your future!