Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Top 8 Ways I am the Best Wife

I thought of this topic the other day, but then shrank from writing it. Who am I to say I’m the Best Wife? I feared being called out for bragging. And then I remembered that, what, like 10 people read this blog?

I’m still wondering why I’m posting this blog. Because we are conditioned to avoid praising ourselves, so it feels all kinds of wrong to do this. And yet I’m going to do it.

So here are the top 8 ways I am the Best Wife in the World.
8. I say no to sex when I don’t want it. Wait, what?
Yep, I think that because I occasionally say no to sex, I’m a good wife. My husband knows that when I do say yes, I’m really being honest. And while there’s plenty of room for discretion in honesty and sexuality, at times we all need to know when to say no. Plus, because I’m free to say no, I never resent sex, which is a big win for the long term.

7. I stick to my boundaries. Again, what? If I set a boundary, I stick to it. In a marriage, a lot of boundary setting is defining areas of responsibility. If I were to take over an area of responsibility, lots of negative things could happen. I might resent my husband for not doing his “share.” He might feel disrespected or belittled that I don’t trust him to do what he says he’ll do. So if he takes responsibility for something, I let him do it, no questions asked.

6. I pitch in whenever needed. Because we are partners, not bean counting roommates, if my husband needs help fulfilling a responsibility, I help. He’s in charge of the checkbook, but if there are checks to be deposited and he asks me to do it, of course I will! I’ve got his back.

5. I tell him what I want. I know it’s supposedly more romantic to watch our husbands read our minds and get us some big thoughtful gift. But frankly, I’d rather just tell him exactly what I want. Because some Valentine’s Days I want candy and a card, and sometimes I want flowers and sometimes I just want a date night. For Christmas, we don’t even give each other gifts: we buy something for the 2 of us to share. I’d rather he and I both be happy with a gift than he be stressed and me not really get what I want!

4. I ask for what I need when we are talking. If I want advice, I tell him. If I want problem solving, I tell him. If I just want him to unquestioningly agree with me, I tell him. Seriously, this makes life so much easier!

3. I pray for him. I’ve always prayed for him, but a few years ago we changed our daily grace prayer to be more personal. Instead of blessing our food before eating, we wait until we are done. Then we share prayer requests with each other, and then we pray for each other. This is a great way to share our faith and build intimacy.

2. I don’t try to change him. He’s not perfect. Neither am I. Yes, there are things I’d like to change, but they aren’t significant. None of them are things that drive a wedge between us or hurt me. Especially as a life coach, this is a real challenge for me. I LOVE to help people. I LOVE to make suggestions. Keeping my mouth shut when I see a solution he doesn’t see, or a life change that would benefit him, is really difficult. But I’ve learned that not only is that not helpful, but he wouldn’t listen anyway. I don’t think marriage is a good environment for accountability or behavioral change. Marriage is designed to be a supportive place of unconditional love: a place where you can just be yourself and know that you are accepted.

1. I admit when I’m wrong. Look, I’m not wrong very often. But when I am wrong, I do the full admission of guilt. I say “I was wrong. You were right.” Are there any sweeter words to hear? I never want to be that woman who can’t admit that she’s wrong.

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